.....

I know God exists...and I know that the Devil exists...but...which one is evil?

Almost completely gone...

I never thought that I would reach a point in my life where I would push everyone away...but that's where I'm at. I need space. I need to be alone. The people I have called my best friends are gone. Because of me? Because of them? I don't even know. Nor do I care. This is where life has led me. I'm out of my moms house-again. And this time it's for good. But lately she seems to have been reaching out to me. Lets see where this goes. I've been taking a long break from school and I have a job at the Hard Rock Cafe here in Times Square New York. The only people I really associate with are my coworkers, two of which I've known for years but everyone else is new to me. I usually work at night so after work I've been going to a bar most of us from hard rock go. I guess you can say drinking and getting high are my favorite past times. For about a month now I have had no health insurance and no medication. The lack of medication has been affecting me so much. My bones are hurting, I have a butterfly rash on my face, I'm starting to itch on my legs and scalp, and I am weak. I have no energy for anything. And depression has come in full force. I feel the lack of motivation, the desire to do nothing but sleep. Go to work, that's all I do. I don't even know if I'll ever go back to school. The will to care about anything is almost completely gone.

Teach me a lesson?

Mat...I am soooo mad that I have a crush. That I really like someone at my job. Why did this happen to me? Maybe It's a punishment from God, to teach me a lesson to not give myself away so easily....but...did that really teach me a lesson? I don't know. I don't think so...

It's been awhile...

It's been awhile since I've written.....and now where I'm at I question..What has become of my life? Take me away God, devil...whichever can hear me, please oh please take me away...